Question
Hi there!I just want to know what can I do to attract my husbant's sexual attention.My english may not be the best,because I am in this country since one year,but I hope it's good enough ,so you can understand me:)My problem:It's been months he doesn't care about our sexual life.I am sure he loves me,he shares everything with me and helps me a lot...he works 7 days a week and he is really tired.But he also stays late ,wathing tv or just sitting in front of the computer...And than he goes to bed and sometimes we dont't have sex for 2 weeks...I tried to talk to him,I explained that it's very importent for me...but he always appologize":I am tired ,baby"...and I know he is,but even when he is not-it's the same situation.I know that he had sex with his ex-girlfriends every day...Well,not with me.Sometimes I get angry and I show that.But he tried to explain to me that he had sex so often earlier with his ex-girlfriends because of his lifestyle-he worked in a bar,he drank a lot.Now he has a computer job and he drinks seldom...I just start feeling like I am not attractive and I start loosing my sleep...Because I can't stop thinking about it:Why he doesn't want me,when he loves me and he does everything for me?Thank you!
Answer
it could be alot of reasons, from physical problems to being addicted to pornography, to not being sexually attracted to you, to seeing someone else, but i doubt it's because he's "tired.."..the ONLY way this will change is for him to understand that his not confronting your unhappiness will have CONSEQUENCES; inform him that the present state of affairs is no longer unacceptable, and needs to change; that means he needs to truthfully admit what the real problem is, or, if he doesn't know, he agrees to make an effort to find out; that could/should include seeing an endocrinologist to check hormone levels, a regular doctor for a check-up, and possibly a couples counselor; your job is to TAKE ACTION if he inconsiderately refuses to cooperate; that could start out as just not speaking to him, acting very cold, etc; to going out with friends more, to threatening to see other men, to leaving; if you're not prepared to take these actions, than prepare yourself for an unhappy life of quiet desperation, which is what happens when you accept so much less than you deserve..
Monday, December 7, 2009
Problem Solving: The Easy Way To Solve Problems In Life
Life is full of problems.The more you solve them, the more new ones come up.And you can sweep problems under the carpet or run away from them.Wherever you go, sooner or later there will be problems for you to solve.Since this is a fact of life, you may as well develop some skills on how to handle problems in life.
Here are some insights on how to deal with problems in life so that you may achieve success and happiness.One of the best ways to handle problems is to have the right attitude towards them.Sometimes problems may be blessings in disguise.Problems may be a way that existence is trying to assist us to create opportunities for us to grow and become better human beings.Problems can hide opportunities not only for personal growth but also to create wealth and success.For every problem, there should be a solution.Whenever you encounter any problem that has no solution, you may well understand that it is not a problem to begin with.
Problems are also the first step in a new invention.Dr. Scholl's foot medications would not be around if people had not had problems with corns, calluses and other ailments.We wouldn't have automobiles today if people had not had problems getting from place to place quickly.Every single invention was created because people had problems with something, so problems can really be motivational!
Problems also help you to meet new friends. If you are recently divorced,
you may join a group and meet some wonderful friends that will bring you
into a better life than the life you were living previously.If you have a problem getting back and forth to work, you may decide to join a carpool and save money while meeting others.
Problems also are always a learning experience. You don't actually realize
that fire burns until you get burned with it!Unless a problem occurs, you do not learn why something happens the way it does. You cannot change your viewpoints and opinions unless you experience problems first hand.Problems also cause you to become active in helping others. The organization M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) would have never been born if the
founder didn't lose her daughter in a car accident caused by a drunk driver.
That one death has literally changed all the drunk driving laws throughout
the United States and saved MILLIONS of lives!Without problems, we couldn't solve a lot of future turmoils and save people a lot of money in business.Any company that introduces a new product will hire people to try it out before it is introduced to the market.These people report the problems they find and the company refines it until it's right.
Without problems developing early in these tests, the company could never
improve and fine tune their product to perfection.Problems and mistakes are also a blessing in disguise. For instance, Post-It(R) Notes would never have been made possible unless the guy at
the factory didn't mess up mixing the glue recipe.Sure, this is an isolated incident, but it shows just how important mistakes and problems can be.However, most people have some perceived notion that making a mistake or
having a problem is "bad."
Instead of looking for ways to SOLVE the problem, they try to live with it, cover it up or condition themselves to accept it.This is silly! There is no problem that can't be solved. There is a solution to every single problem you can think of.The solution may not always be what you want it to be but it's a solution just the same.And covering it up is like putting a piece of foil over a piece of spoiled meat and expecting it not to draw maggots.You have to dispose of the entire thing before you are finally rid of the problem.Attack the core of the problem! Dig until you uncover it! Face facts! Admit you have problems!
Stop trying to make people think you are problem-free. It's unnatural!When you solve a problem that most people try to avoid or can't solve, you get recognition and their admiration.You may become a hero or heroine.So, next time you have a problem, look at it logically and with enthusiasm.
That may sound a little strange but most problems can be dealt with this way.
Love the fact that you have problems because they will give you something to work on and solve.
They also will give you a way to invent new ways of doing something, new ways that will save you time and make you happier with your life.And when you solve problems, you not only gain experience in solving other problems as they occur, but you build respect for yourself.
Then you can have the admiration of all those people who encountered the same problems but didn’t do anything to solve them.
Here are some insights on how to deal with problems in life so that you may achieve success and happiness.One of the best ways to handle problems is to have the right attitude towards them.Sometimes problems may be blessings in disguise.Problems may be a way that existence is trying to assist us to create opportunities for us to grow and become better human beings.Problems can hide opportunities not only for personal growth but also to create wealth and success.For every problem, there should be a solution.Whenever you encounter any problem that has no solution, you may well understand that it is not a problem to begin with.
Problems are also the first step in a new invention.Dr. Scholl's foot medications would not be around if people had not had problems with corns, calluses and other ailments.We wouldn't have automobiles today if people had not had problems getting from place to place quickly.Every single invention was created because people had problems with something, so problems can really be motivational!
Problems also help you to meet new friends. If you are recently divorced,
you may join a group and meet some wonderful friends that will bring you
into a better life than the life you were living previously.If you have a problem getting back and forth to work, you may decide to join a carpool and save money while meeting others.
Problems also are always a learning experience. You don't actually realize
that fire burns until you get burned with it!Unless a problem occurs, you do not learn why something happens the way it does. You cannot change your viewpoints and opinions unless you experience problems first hand.Problems also cause you to become active in helping others. The organization M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) would have never been born if the
founder didn't lose her daughter in a car accident caused by a drunk driver.
That one death has literally changed all the drunk driving laws throughout
the United States and saved MILLIONS of lives!Without problems, we couldn't solve a lot of future turmoils and save people a lot of money in business.Any company that introduces a new product will hire people to try it out before it is introduced to the market.These people report the problems they find and the company refines it until it's right.
Without problems developing early in these tests, the company could never
improve and fine tune their product to perfection.Problems and mistakes are also a blessing in disguise. For instance, Post-It(R) Notes would never have been made possible unless the guy at
the factory didn't mess up mixing the glue recipe.Sure, this is an isolated incident, but it shows just how important mistakes and problems can be.However, most people have some perceived notion that making a mistake or
having a problem is "bad."
Instead of looking for ways to SOLVE the problem, they try to live with it, cover it up or condition themselves to accept it.This is silly! There is no problem that can't be solved. There is a solution to every single problem you can think of.The solution may not always be what you want it to be but it's a solution just the same.And covering it up is like putting a piece of foil over a piece of spoiled meat and expecting it not to draw maggots.You have to dispose of the entire thing before you are finally rid of the problem.Attack the core of the problem! Dig until you uncover it! Face facts! Admit you have problems!
Stop trying to make people think you are problem-free. It's unnatural!When you solve a problem that most people try to avoid or can't solve, you get recognition and their admiration.You may become a hero or heroine.So, next time you have a problem, look at it logically and with enthusiasm.
That may sound a little strange but most problems can be dealt with this way.
Love the fact that you have problems because they will give you something to work on and solve.
They also will give you a way to invent new ways of doing something, new ways that will save you time and make you happier with your life.And when you solve problems, you not only gain experience in solving other problems as they occur, but you build respect for yourself.
Then you can have the admiration of all those people who encountered the same problems but didn’t do anything to solve them.
Monday, September 28, 2009
What Is a Normal Sex Life?
People vary a great deal in their sexual attitudes and practices. This makes it hard to define "normal." Some couples like to have sex every day. For others, once a month is enough. Many people see oral sex (using the mouth or tongue) as a normal part of sex, but some believe it is not OK. "Normal" for you and your partner is whatever gives you pleasure together. Both partners should agree on how to make their sex life happy.
It is normal for people with cancer to lose interest in sex at times. Doubts and fears, along with cancer and cancer treatment, can make you feel less than your best. At times, concern about your health may be much greater than your interest in sex. But once you return to your normal routines, your interest in sex may begin to return.
It is also normal to be interested in sex throughout your life. This is an important point because most cancers are more common in people over 50. But there are some who think sex is only for the young, and that older people lose both their desire for sex and their ability to "perform."
Those beliefs are largely myths. Many men and women can and do stay sexually active until the end of life. No one should have to apologize for still being interested in sex at any age. (See the "Additional resources" section for more on sex and aging.)
What is normal isn't always what the media has led us to expect. And the media is a strong influence on our ideas about normal sexuality. Since the 1960s, books, music, TV, movies, and magazines have become more open about sex. For the most part, this has probably helped American adults learn more and talk more about sex. But the media has also promoted some ideas of "good sex" that don't match real life for most people. Men might think they should have instant erections. Women may feel they've failed if don't reach orgasm at least once every time they have sex. If you find yourself feeling inadequate, remember that the only true measure of your worth as a lover is the pleasure you and your partner find together.
It is true that sexual response and function may change with aging. For example, more than half of men over age 40 have at least a little trouble with erections. For some of these men the problem is severe. Sometimes, the problem centers around anxiety, tension, or other problems in a relationship. Other times, it may be a physical condition, a medical condition, or medicines that cause or worsen sexual problems. We now have medicines, therapy, surgery, and other treatments that can help men and their partners deal with most kinds of problems they may have.
Many women also notice changes as they get older, sometimes even before menopause begins. A decrease in sexual desire and problems with vaginal dryness may increase during and after menopause. These symptoms can be treated. If you want to keep your sex life active, you can likely do so.
If you are in a relationship and one of you has a sexual problem, it affects both of you. If you are dealing with sexual problems, it works best when your partner can be part of the solution.
What is a healthy sexual response?
The sexual response of women and men has 4 phases:
* desire
* excitement
* orgasm
* resolution
A person goes through the phases usually in the same order. But the sexual response can be stopped at any phase. You don't have to reach orgasm each time you feel the desire for sex.
Desire is an interest in sex. You may just think about sex, feel attracted to someone, or be frustrated because of a lack of sex. Sexual desire is a normal part of life from the teenage years onward.
Excitement is the phase when you feel aroused or "turned on." Touching and stroking feel much more intense when a person is excited. Excitement also results from sexual fantasies and sensual sights, sounds, scents, and tastes. Physically, excitement means that:
* Heartbeat and pulse speed up.
* Blood pressure goes up.
* Breathing gets heavy.
* More blood is sent into the genital (or "private") area, and the whole area, including the clitoris, swells. (In a man, the surge of blood creates an erection, or a stiff penis.)
* The vagina becomes moist and gets longer and wider, opening up like a balloon.
* The skin of the genitals ("private parts") turns a deeper color of red.
* The body may sweat or get warmer.
Orgasm is the sexual climax. In both women and men, the nervous system creates intense pleasure in the genitals. The muscles around the genitals contract, in rhythm, sending waves of feeling through the body. Men ejaculate (or release) semen when these muscles contract. The person feels pleasure and satisfaction.
Resolution occurs within a few minutes after an orgasm. The body returns to its unexcited state. Heartbeat and breathing slow down. The extra blood drains out of the genital area. Mental excitement subsides.
If a person becomes excited but does not reach orgasm, resolution still takes place but more slowly. It is not harmful to become excited without reaching orgasm, though it may feel frustrating. Some women and men may feel a mild ache until the extra blood leaves the genital area.
Refractory period. Men have a certain amount of time after orgasm when they are physically unable to have another orgasm. This time, called the refractory period, tends to get longer as a man ages. A man in his 70s may need to wait several days between orgasms. Women do not have a refractory period. Many can have multiple orgasms, one after another, with little time in between.
It is normal for people with cancer to lose interest in sex at times. Doubts and fears, along with cancer and cancer treatment, can make you feel less than your best. At times, concern about your health may be much greater than your interest in sex. But once you return to your normal routines, your interest in sex may begin to return.
It is also normal to be interested in sex throughout your life. This is an important point because most cancers are more common in people over 50. But there are some who think sex is only for the young, and that older people lose both their desire for sex and their ability to "perform."
Those beliefs are largely myths. Many men and women can and do stay sexually active until the end of life. No one should have to apologize for still being interested in sex at any age. (See the "Additional resources" section for more on sex and aging.)
What is normal isn't always what the media has led us to expect. And the media is a strong influence on our ideas about normal sexuality. Since the 1960s, books, music, TV, movies, and magazines have become more open about sex. For the most part, this has probably helped American adults learn more and talk more about sex. But the media has also promoted some ideas of "good sex" that don't match real life for most people. Men might think they should have instant erections. Women may feel they've failed if don't reach orgasm at least once every time they have sex. If you find yourself feeling inadequate, remember that the only true measure of your worth as a lover is the pleasure you and your partner find together.
It is true that sexual response and function may change with aging. For example, more than half of men over age 40 have at least a little trouble with erections. For some of these men the problem is severe. Sometimes, the problem centers around anxiety, tension, or other problems in a relationship. Other times, it may be a physical condition, a medical condition, or medicines that cause or worsen sexual problems. We now have medicines, therapy, surgery, and other treatments that can help men and their partners deal with most kinds of problems they may have.
Many women also notice changes as they get older, sometimes even before menopause begins. A decrease in sexual desire and problems with vaginal dryness may increase during and after menopause. These symptoms can be treated. If you want to keep your sex life active, you can likely do so.
If you are in a relationship and one of you has a sexual problem, it affects both of you. If you are dealing with sexual problems, it works best when your partner can be part of the solution.
What is a healthy sexual response?
The sexual response of women and men has 4 phases:
* desire
* excitement
* orgasm
* resolution
A person goes through the phases usually in the same order. But the sexual response can be stopped at any phase. You don't have to reach orgasm each time you feel the desire for sex.
Desire is an interest in sex. You may just think about sex, feel attracted to someone, or be frustrated because of a lack of sex. Sexual desire is a normal part of life from the teenage years onward.
Excitement is the phase when you feel aroused or "turned on." Touching and stroking feel much more intense when a person is excited. Excitement also results from sexual fantasies and sensual sights, sounds, scents, and tastes. Physically, excitement means that:
* Heartbeat and pulse speed up.
* Blood pressure goes up.
* Breathing gets heavy.
* More blood is sent into the genital (or "private") area, and the whole area, including the clitoris, swells. (In a man, the surge of blood creates an erection, or a stiff penis.)
* The vagina becomes moist and gets longer and wider, opening up like a balloon.
* The skin of the genitals ("private parts") turns a deeper color of red.
* The body may sweat or get warmer.
Orgasm is the sexual climax. In both women and men, the nervous system creates intense pleasure in the genitals. The muscles around the genitals contract, in rhythm, sending waves of feeling through the body. Men ejaculate (or release) semen when these muscles contract. The person feels pleasure and satisfaction.
Resolution occurs within a few minutes after an orgasm. The body returns to its unexcited state. Heartbeat and breathing slow down. The extra blood drains out of the genital area. Mental excitement subsides.
If a person becomes excited but does not reach orgasm, resolution still takes place but more slowly. It is not harmful to become excited without reaching orgasm, though it may feel frustrating. Some women and men may feel a mild ache until the extra blood leaves the genital area.
Refractory period. Men have a certain amount of time after orgasm when they are physically unable to have another orgasm. This time, called the refractory period, tends to get longer as a man ages. A man in his 70s may need to wait several days between orgasms. Women do not have a refractory period. Many can have multiple orgasms, one after another, with little time in between.
The Secret Life of Sex
Let’s get the biggie out of the way first (as it were): I love writing sex. Yes, I admit it. It’s one of the high points of my writing life. Even when I’m not writing about sex, I’m thinking about writing it. It’s part of all my novels, and some of my poems and short stories. Even when no sex takes place.
To my mind this is simply part of being human. We’re all physical and sexual (or at least with the capacity for being sexual) people, and including that aspect of our lives within literature is a celebration of being alive and of being who we are.
Not that you’ll find sex on every single one of the pages of my novels. You won’t. Not by a long way, though I do like to think that my darker writing nonetheless remains erotic in nature. My characters are, after all, physical beings within their world. In fact, one reviewer mentioned the lack of described regular sexual activity in A Dangerous Man (Flame Books, 2007) as a negative point, bearing in mind that my main character has been a part-time prostitute.
And it’s here that the essential balance of sex writing must be considered. Above all else, sex is character. It’s not there (primarily) to titillate. It’s there to reveal. If sex is doing its job properly, it should reveal character in a way that nothing else can. TIP: If something else at that point can reveal your character better than a sex scene, then DON’T WRITE THE SEX SCENE – write the “something else”. It should also reveal the relationships of the characters involved in the sex scene to each other in a deeper way. (NB The previous tip also applies here). Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally – where it counts. Good sex writing shows the people you’re writing about being themselves most clearly and most closely – and that kind of intimacy with a character is what the reader – and the writer – wants.
A case in point is this: in my upcoming mystery novel, The Bones of Summer (Dream spinner Press, late 2009), my main character Craig starts a relationship with Paul from Malone Law (PD Publishing, 2008). In the midst of everything else that happens to them, it’s natural for them to have sex – it’s new and exciting for them and a way of getting to know each other, as well as being a way for the reader to understand them and something about their pasts more fully. I hope it works, and I’m reassured that my first editor, Sara Mainland from The Literary Consultancy, noted that: you handle the sex so well – open and realistic without being excessively “in your face.” That said, however, when I was going through it again prior to submission to my publisher, I removed one section of erotic writing as it neither deepened the sense of character nor moved the story forward. Nice sex, maybe, but verging on the pornographic and I therefore didn’t need it. The scene is more true to itself without it: more balanced, more human, more real. If you ever read it, I hope you’ll think so too.
Because good sex writing isn’t porn. It’s not about what the bits look like and where they go. It’s about the people to whom those bits belong and how they feel and think and change. Recently, a colleague at work joked with me about how she “couldn’t write porn like you do” and I was very much taken aback and really rather hurt by her assumption. I know for a fact that she’s never read any of my published novels (nor any of the drafts either!) and I hope that, if she ever does, that assumption will be changed. I’m not even sure that what I write can be classed as erotic fiction in its truest form. It’s fiction about people who have sex only where it fits their character and the story. Much like life really. Enjoy.
To my mind this is simply part of being human. We’re all physical and sexual (or at least with the capacity for being sexual) people, and including that aspect of our lives within literature is a celebration of being alive and of being who we are.
Not that you’ll find sex on every single one of the pages of my novels. You won’t. Not by a long way, though I do like to think that my darker writing nonetheless remains erotic in nature. My characters are, after all, physical beings within their world. In fact, one reviewer mentioned the lack of described regular sexual activity in A Dangerous Man (Flame Books, 2007) as a negative point, bearing in mind that my main character has been a part-time prostitute.
And it’s here that the essential balance of sex writing must be considered. Above all else, sex is character. It’s not there (primarily) to titillate. It’s there to reveal. If sex is doing its job properly, it should reveal character in a way that nothing else can. TIP: If something else at that point can reveal your character better than a sex scene, then DON’T WRITE THE SEX SCENE – write the “something else”. It should also reveal the relationships of the characters involved in the sex scene to each other in a deeper way. (NB The previous tip also applies here). Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally – where it counts. Good sex writing shows the people you’re writing about being themselves most clearly and most closely – and that kind of intimacy with a character is what the reader – and the writer – wants.
A case in point is this: in my upcoming mystery novel, The Bones of Summer (Dream spinner Press, late 2009), my main character Craig starts a relationship with Paul from Malone Law (PD Publishing, 2008). In the midst of everything else that happens to them, it’s natural for them to have sex – it’s new and exciting for them and a way of getting to know each other, as well as being a way for the reader to understand them and something about their pasts more fully. I hope it works, and I’m reassured that my first editor, Sara Mainland from The Literary Consultancy, noted that: you handle the sex so well – open and realistic without being excessively “in your face.” That said, however, when I was going through it again prior to submission to my publisher, I removed one section of erotic writing as it neither deepened the sense of character nor moved the story forward. Nice sex, maybe, but verging on the pornographic and I therefore didn’t need it. The scene is more true to itself without it: more balanced, more human, more real. If you ever read it, I hope you’ll think so too.
Because good sex writing isn’t porn. It’s not about what the bits look like and where they go. It’s about the people to whom those bits belong and how they feel and think and change. Recently, a colleague at work joked with me about how she “couldn’t write porn like you do” and I was very much taken aback and really rather hurt by her assumption. I know for a fact that she’s never read any of my published novels (nor any of the drafts either!) and I hope that, if she ever does, that assumption will be changed. I’m not even sure that what I write can be classed as erotic fiction in its truest form. It’s fiction about people who have sex only where it fits their character and the story. Much like life really. Enjoy.
Improve Your Sex Life
When it comes to watching television, I am generally a day – make that a year – late. I almost never watch new shows. I prefer to let them work out the kinks and decide what they’re really about, and then, if there’s still a sufficient amount of buzz next year or the year after, I look in on the reruns. At present I am happily catching up on old episodes of House and NCIS.
One unintended consequence of this system is that I am exposed to commercials that, I have to assume, are quite different from those that supported the first runs of shows on the old, reliable networks. For some reason these include a striking number that offer to improve my sex life. “How did they know?” is usually the first thought that fleets through my head, with my pride in hot pursuit to squelch it. I’m not at all tempted by the products, but I am often puzzled by the pitches.
Take “Bob.” He’s the hero of some ads for a product that promises “natural male enhancement.” What on Earth is “male enhancement”? Steroids? Not to look at Bob. While he can hit a drive straight down the fairway for what looks to be 300 yards, leaving the rest of his foursome agape, he’s a skinny guy. And in any case, steroids are hardly natural. Come to think of it, if it’s natural, why hasn’t it just happened, you know, naturally?
Bob’s chief characteristic is his painful-looking r ictus of a smile. His chief visible characteristic, I should say, for in another ad, in which he appears to be playing Santa Claus at a company Christmas party, some female coworkers are seen whispering and leering in his direction. We’re pretty sure we know what they’re talking about, for in yet another spot, one I haven’t seen for some time – was it withdrawn from the air for suggestiveness? – Bob dives into a swimming pool, comes up without his trunks, and emerges from the water, at which point the ladies lower their gazes from that smile of his and then gasp in what I suppose is admiration.
Obviously I have studied these commercials. But I still don’t know what “male enhancement” is or anything about this product that is said to produce it, other than that it comes in pills or capsules. Like you, I get spam emails daily offering products that yield a much more explicitly described effect, one measured in inches.
(And how strange those emails can be. This one just popped in:
Female Libido - AA Guide For Partners Wanting To help [URL] Shipping containers could become condos in Detroit
Weird.)
If that is what Bob has enjoyed, why the reticence on TV? To say more or less clearly what they mean would be no more ribald than much ordinary programming. A competing product uses ads with a slightly more direct approach in which a lusty-seeming young woman refers to “that certain part of the male anatomy,” which I take not to be the nose hair. But still only the vaguest sort of allusion to whatever it is that the product actually does.
Then there are some other ads directed at women or couples. These talk around but never directly about some sort of product that produces … well, I don’t know. It seems to be about intensifying the sensations. We’re given fireworks and condescending music as clues, or what T.S. Eliot might have called “objective correlatives” of extreme sexual pleasure. I think.
But what, precisely, is the product (I wonder, idly)?
My first impression was of something perhaps akin to Fizzes, the little tablets that, dropped into a glass of water, produced insipid soft drinks in my youth. Now I struggle to rid myself of that image.
Oddly, too, all the people so mysteriously but satisfyingly enhanced through the use of these products appear to be half my age. Perhaps I should have been watching a long time ago.
One unintended consequence of this system is that I am exposed to commercials that, I have to assume, are quite different from those that supported the first runs of shows on the old, reliable networks. For some reason these include a striking number that offer to improve my sex life. “How did they know?” is usually the first thought that fleets through my head, with my pride in hot pursuit to squelch it. I’m not at all tempted by the products, but I am often puzzled by the pitches.
Take “Bob.” He’s the hero of some ads for a product that promises “natural male enhancement.” What on Earth is “male enhancement”? Steroids? Not to look at Bob. While he can hit a drive straight down the fairway for what looks to be 300 yards, leaving the rest of his foursome agape, he’s a skinny guy. And in any case, steroids are hardly natural. Come to think of it, if it’s natural, why hasn’t it just happened, you know, naturally?
Bob’s chief characteristic is his painful-looking r ictus of a smile. His chief visible characteristic, I should say, for in another ad, in which he appears to be playing Santa Claus at a company Christmas party, some female coworkers are seen whispering and leering in his direction. We’re pretty sure we know what they’re talking about, for in yet another spot, one I haven’t seen for some time – was it withdrawn from the air for suggestiveness? – Bob dives into a swimming pool, comes up without his trunks, and emerges from the water, at which point the ladies lower their gazes from that smile of his and then gasp in what I suppose is admiration.
Obviously I have studied these commercials. But I still don’t know what “male enhancement” is or anything about this product that is said to produce it, other than that it comes in pills or capsules. Like you, I get spam emails daily offering products that yield a much more explicitly described effect, one measured in inches.
(And how strange those emails can be. This one just popped in:
Female Libido - AA Guide For Partners Wanting To help [URL] Shipping containers could become condos in Detroit
Weird.)
If that is what Bob has enjoyed, why the reticence on TV? To say more or less clearly what they mean would be no more ribald than much ordinary programming. A competing product uses ads with a slightly more direct approach in which a lusty-seeming young woman refers to “that certain part of the male anatomy,” which I take not to be the nose hair. But still only the vaguest sort of allusion to whatever it is that the product actually does.
Then there are some other ads directed at women or couples. These talk around but never directly about some sort of product that produces … well, I don’t know. It seems to be about intensifying the sensations. We’re given fireworks and condescending music as clues, or what T.S. Eliot might have called “objective correlatives” of extreme sexual pleasure. I think.
But what, precisely, is the product (I wonder, idly)?
My first impression was of something perhaps akin to Fizzes, the little tablets that, dropped into a glass of water, produced insipid soft drinks in my youth. Now I struggle to rid myself of that image.
Oddly, too, all the people so mysteriously but satisfyingly enhanced through the use of these products appear to be half my age. Perhaps I should have been watching a long time ago.
40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessential s. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish
the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you
rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they
get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're
trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.
They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your
tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and
thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on
the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breast ville East and
West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've
ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So
start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask
her
to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along
side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they
plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep
going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the
waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant
present,
not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the
material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still
believe
that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there
than
you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in
principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried
away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of
her
vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her
and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in
the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move
toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of
buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can
do
is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an
assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,
with
clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach,
the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few
seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites
of
her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the
mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.
At
least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her
interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you
really don't know, don't ask
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth
down
there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her
clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about
three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to
use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes
it.
When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do
what's
necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over
them.
In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does
all
the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so
much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow
directions.
If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being
drunk
is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the
words"__to
show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring
honey
on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all
handy
props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a
Romanian
gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner
with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they
have
a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the
neck,
if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and
jaunty
scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big
turn-on.
37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line.
If
she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and
she
might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
heavily, she will turn blue.
40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a
soup kitchen.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessential s. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish
the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you
rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they
get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're
trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.
They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your
tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and
thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on
the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breast ville East and
West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've
ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So
start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask
her
to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along
side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they
plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep
going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the
waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant
present,
not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the
material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still
believe
that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there
than
you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in
principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried
away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of
her
vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her
and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in
the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move
toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of
buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can
do
is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an
assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,
with
clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach,
the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few
seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites
of
her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the
mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.
At
least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her
interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you
really don't know, don't ask
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth
down
there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her
clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about
three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to
use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes
it.
When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do
what's
necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over
them.
In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does
all
the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so
much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow
directions.
If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being
drunk
is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the
words"__to
show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring
honey
on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all
handy
props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a
Romanian
gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner
with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they
have
a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the
neck,
if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and
jaunty
scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big
turn-on.
37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line.
If
she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and
she
might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
heavily, she will turn blue.
40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a
soup kitchen.
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